Love Yourself

Friday, May 19, 2017

Woke at 7.21am, which feels good as I am waking up earlier and earlier and enjoy mornings.  I did something different this morning and have noticed that I am starting to feel comfortable doing things out of my normal comfort zone. 

I watched a movie, which I really enjoyed.  The other reason I am trying this is because I am relationship that I find it difficult to understand why my partner behaves the way he does.  What I mean is that I find it difficult to live with someone and we barely communicate, and then he starts playing angry birds a game on his phone straight after he has asked me for toast and tea and we slept in separate beds last night.  Just typing this I say to myself this is so exhausting and I seem to going over the same thing often WHY?  What am I supposed to learn from this?  Why am I am finding this so difficult? 

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I am now using a bit from my favorite magazine Psychologies, LOVE YOURSELF – "Create a new relationship with your thoughts and feelings"

RAIN - R is for Recognition:  It's impossible to deal with an emotion, and to be resilient in the face of difficulty, unless we acknowledge that we're experiencing it

A is for Acceptance:  Accept the feeling and allow it to be there.  Give yourself permission to feel it.  Imagine each thought and emotion as a visitor knocking at the door of your home.  They don't live there - you can greet them, acknowledge them and watch them go.

I is for Investigation:  Explore your emotions with a sense of openness and curiosity.  Examine how each feeling manifests in your body and look at what the feeling contains.  Many strong emotions are intricate tapestries woven out of various strands.  Anger for example, commonly includes moments of sadness, helplessness and fear.  As we get closer to it , an uncomfortable emotion becomes less opaque and solid.  We can focus less on labelling the discomfort and more on gaining insight.

Non -Identification:  In the final step, the aim is to consciously avoid being defined by, and identified with , a particular feeling.  Feeling Angry is different from telling yourself, 'I am an angry person.'  Try noticing your anger and instead of going into judgement, make a gentle observation. "This is state of suffering" The identification opens the door to a compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the real foundation of a compassionate relationship with others.

Psychologies magazine July 2017, Sharon Salzberg 

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In this moment after reading then typing out I find myself having moved through the process and then observing the messages from my body, I have a headache, and can just feel my immune system is fighting something so I've taken the self care steps of running a hot bath with Eucalyptus Aromatherapy oil and sipping on a med-lemon to ease the headache.  This week has been rather challenging but on a positive note.  I feel as though I am rediscovering myself.  I am spending allot of time alone which I enjoy and reconnecting with myself.  The job search route has been rather interesting.  I've had a few negative experiences which has affected my confidence and in the same breath I have gained great experience.  I have found myself going over the same question many times.  Am I making the right decision?  Well if I refer to Susan Jeffers, No loose Decision Making Model the answer would be yes as it is the right decision for me right now.  

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What is it I don't want other people to know about me?

That I have experienced allot of rejection which has affected my confidence and I have build up a negative picture in my head due to this experience and therefore am allowing fear to get in the way and trying again.

This most probably has to do with what you anticipate others will think.  

What stops me feeling good about myself?

Not taking responsibility for my life and not honouring my feelings when they start to indicate negative signs that I need to change something and try and con myself that I am strong and can handle it.  Not doing the "right thing"

What would happen if I did feel good about myself?

I would feel confident enough and trust myself that if I put myself first and take care of what is important then all the other things around that will take care of themselves.  I would succeeded in anything I put my mind too and feel happy.

Learning to like yourself is important.  Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you like about yourself.  It might be the shape of your finger nails 
or that you try to tell the truth. 

Keep collecting items no matter how small over the next week.

• I am proud that I choose to handle a similar situation in a different more responsible way this time around which shows me I am taking responsibility and learning from my lessons in the past.  I've had a situation with my career which has presented itself to be rather challenging but feel I have handled it well.  Sometimes it's ok to say I don't care that I  don't care......if I do care then I worry so

It important to try new things.  If you respond with fear then spell out the worst case scenarios you have in your mind,  sometimes this is enough for you to realise how unsightly these fears are.

• I am trying new things - I found a friend being rather unsupportive and was bringing me down and instead of always putting their feelings and taking them into consideration and not putting myself first, I've taken a different approach and walked away with the attitude of I come first and if you cannot respect me then that is your loss.
• I have stretched my comfort zone this week and opened up and was myself and found it fun and learnt something about myself
• I've listened and taken a friends advise as they can see things I know but was to "stuck" to do anything about it - now that I have taken action I feel so much better, I still don't know what I would the outcome to be but trying not to control that too much and just praise and recognise myself for taking action

Now think about the worst case scenario and if it were to come true - how could it be managed?

• Presenting the facts and negotiating the best outcome for all parties

Instead of burring the fear take it head on and find a strategy for dealing with it if it does not your instinct may be correct - DON"T DO IT

There are ways to like yourself more, try to think of someone you like, why do you like them?

Self acceptance - try this.  Think of two or three people and make a list of the following:

• What characteristics you like in them

High morals and self respect, hard working, positive attitude and doer

• Anything you don't like about them

Being naive and over enthusiastic 

• What qualities you admire in them

Sense of humour, loyal, friend, dependable, respectful and trustworthy

Now suppose you had to do this exercise with yourself?

Write down all the things you liked about yourself today, no matter how trivial

I like because I went to bed with no alarm clock and was ok waking when I did

I found the motivation to get out of bed to get to the dentist even though I felt like a truck had driven over me.  I did not want to let the dentist down but more importantly myself as I knew if I did not get up and slept more I would pay the price of feeling guilty and had bad dreams and felt worse for it.  

I like myself because I have made a few big decisions over the past week mainly to do with my well-being so despite how hard it's been I am put my phone on silent and not going to take calls till the end of the day.

I like these things about myself - being able to put my needs first and take my well-being seriously.  I keep my work and I am conscientious.

Both show a link between your values and your behaviour.  

How much does the degree of linking yourself depend on your behaviour or your capability.?

It is important to learn how to manage your state.  Good management of our state greatly affects our self esteem.  There are many ways in which we can change our state to make our experienced more enjoyable.

Looking in the rearview mirror of life

LOOK BACK.....WHAT DO I SEE?

TODAY 1 FEBRUARY - This day means quiet a few things, but most importantly is I am slowly coming into contact with something I have been yearning for and that is myself.  

Last weekend I experienced something rather scary.  I simply did not recognise myself, by that I mean the way I felt.  I just felt like a dead plank inside, nothing would shift my mood I felt like it was the end of the world.  To be honest it has never been that bad however it has been a LONG time looking at the date of my writing 1 year and 1 month ago.........and it has suddenly just dawned on me to look back and ask myself where was I  in my life at that time?

I was working at a tutor at a local college and was in my 13th month and 3rd position looking for change and that is when I made the decision to look for another job and go back into field sales and find the opportunity to earn money again.  Let me tell you it has not been that simple AT ALL , in fact right now it feels like the longest year on my life and  almost as trying as 2011 but only this time my health has paid the price.

I set out to get back into the corporate world, to earn money and stick it out one year no matter what.  So all I can say is I am one very committed person despite the circumstances I have faced this past year and now faced with a very different set of choices and decisions to make. I wonder why I have put myself through this?  Why I ask this question is purely because I have extremely concerned with they way I've been feeling, like I lost a part of myself, the motivation, drive, ambition - I use to ask myself what happened to that Karen that use to sit for hours building her own website from Utube and library books for hours and days, I just could not find that determination inside my soul but looking back I have noticed two occasions when it has appeared and that was after taking 5 days annual leave and not thinking about work and relaxing.  

Surprise surprise last night I went to bed saying to myself "hey I feel so happy and alive wow this is amazing"  I've woken up this morning feeling even better.  My nephew has just walked past and said Good Morning and as I looked up I noticed the blue sky and said to him I wonder if that is why I feel better, then suddenly thought but there was no sun last night???   I am trying to identify what has made the change?  

Last Monday it suddenly dawned on me during my 2 and half hour drive to the office how long it was.  I just felt half dead by 11am and a colleague said to me "you look drained"......we then went into a meeting when my boss said to me "Karen, I know you live far away but any orders you get you will have to drive them into the office" well the thought of that almost sent me over the edge!  I found myself breaking down, getting tearful and finally breaking down......I was sent home and took days out!

I went to the doctor who brought to my attention that I was showing signed of physical stress.  I was waking up at 3am most nights and feeling  exhausted even after begin in bed most of the weekend!  So I got myself off to the gym and did a gentle workout, and thought I'd better start taking care of myself or I would land up depressed and although I felt like I was I knew deep down I can and I will get myself out of the hole!  

Being the end of the year and month and all the changes and adjustments there are signs that my hard work is starting to pay off.  I feel hopeful with a new year, new opportunities and chance to earn some commission and new pay plan and a goal!

First quarter is going to get all I have and it is either going to work or not!  What has been working in the background is the option and plan for the first time in 11 years to go back to Cape Town........home!!!  Well last Monday while driving home I was ready to get on the plane but deep down I knew that was rather irrational!  Who know it might not happen either but a decision has been made, a goal is set and actions towards my well being is what has made me feel better.  Going for a massage was only part of the treatment plan - I cannot recommend it enough - please say "I don't have time or money" well I used my credit card and believe it was worth ever single penny!

Smoothies, eating well, cooking, exercise, rest and support has all contributed to this.

I suddenly decided to take a bit of my own medicine and evaluate my life!

As a personal development Coach and Trainer even I use my treatment as can speak from personal experience and clients often say it is so nice to hear that I can really empathise.

So I would really encourage you to take a look at your life and ask yourself a few important questions about your happiness!!!

My love of writing has returned

I almost feel ashamed that I have not written for more than a year, well that is not entirely true, as I have written but just not here......in many journals.

However I thought it might be useful to reflect and share what has happen!  Life is so very different!  When I made certain decisions I had no idea that they would take the twists and turns they have.   I cannot actually believe what I have accomplished in the last year.  It has been the biggest transformation I have ever experienced.  Let's turn back the clock back to when the recession started, apparently in 2008.  I was at that stage searching deep within myself for answers and very deeply involved with my sales career in a rather secure job at the time.  I found my quest and did not stop till I succeeded and that was going to travel the world.  Yes I landed up working on ships and yachts and was away travelling the world for two years, having the most amazing and challenging experiences of my life.

One sunny afternoon in 2008 while re designing my vision board I clearly remember cutting out words from a magazine, and looking for the word coach, but could you find one and so I settled for "teacher" and had NO IDEA how powerful this was.

Well to cut a long story short firstly I remember clearly two customers I used to visit one worked part time for the YMCA and another for a small charity and I remember sharing my dream story of going to work on a boat and they encouraged me and found it rather inspiring.

I landed up getting a job as a Digital Living Presenter on a cruise ship which meant my job was to sell, promote and TEACH IT classes to passengers, yes people that don't cruise say, people do that on a cruise....yes they do!  They want to know all about the latest technology like Facebook, iTunes, iPods and the latest versions of windows verses Mac etc

I then moved into the world of yachting which was a fantastic experience and will share a whole chapter of that at some point soon!

Back to teaching bit........so when I landed on land....and stepped out of my bubble and experience this recession myself, I faced unemployment for a short space of time.  Trust me when I say this, only someone who has actually been unemployed and experience almost every fibre of their self-confidence be drained from your soul by the very thing I had just stepped out of ...technology and keyword technology.   I had always worked and had a job since leaving school and when I did move around I had such a portfolio of achievements to bring to any business when it came to sales .......well one time I moved jobs and doubled my salary and that is kind of what I was used to.  When I accepted the job to go travelling I knew full well things from a financial aspect would be on the complete opposite side of the scales, but I still had security and a job with an opportunity of a life time.

There is nothing that can prepare one for dealing with experience of unemployment.   During this period I was extremely fortunate to have family that were prepared to give me all the support they could, including me wanting to start a business with no money.  Again the full details of this will be revealing on a another day.

When I reached the point of exhausting every bit of  courage, determination, optimism and reality that I could no longer continue and had to put my pride in my pocket and sign on to start claiming benefits.  This was a massive thing for me to do.  But when you apply for over 100 jobs and get very little response, or when you do the experience is shocking you really to believe there is something wrong with you and there are moment you start believing you might be loosing it.  Thank God for my family but try to live on £67 a week.  The saving grace came with some temp work doing tele-sales, I hated every moment but it had to be done!  Four weeks felt like four months......then a miracle happened...........to be continued!

That you to that very customer who I am still in contact with via social media who started a new block in 2013 and had inspired me to write again!

11.11.11 at 11.11

Well it happens to be full moon the night before 11th November 2011.  One year ago I was worked of MY A hard to believe.  So where has my journey taken me over the past year.  Came back and lived with my brother who had his own flat at the time.  I was fortunate to take over the spare room.  I had his car to use and he had taken over the care of my Mom's car.  I started my journey with Inspired Entrepreneur and formed Explore Your Journey with Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway workshops.  By July the flat was up for sale and I was moving back to Milton Keynes.  I temped at NHBC for a while, claimed JSA and finally landed my dream job with a training company as a business development manager in October.  I had the opportunity of doing some studies "Prepare to Run Your Own Business" and ITQ which has been such a blessing and amazing how it has just all fallen into place all around the right times and dates. I feel so blessed.