27 years ago

Today is 27 years ago my Dad died - wow I am really trying to get my head around that.  I wonder what advice my Dad would give me.  Well let me try and guess.  To continue the path I've been on and kick drinking and smoking in the butt.  I have 2 glasses of wine and 1 cigarette yesterday for the 1st time in a week and I did not enjoy it and feel awful.  It is putting poison in my body so no more of that.  I am rather angry at myself for being weak but also need be proud of myself for being so strong this week.  I am feeling very frustrated but also know that if I make some first decisions it will change the course of my direction too.  I so much want to get into the swing of happiness and togetherness, I can feel rather down and find it hard to find the energy to get excited.  I need to identify what is causing that?